Flirting advice, via text.

Lauren: Anna and I have a social media relationship when we are unable to see each other. 

She has relatives in from Japan this week, so I am left with no other option but to text, call, Facebook, blog, smoke signal, owl, and red-picnic cup with fishing line her. 

It really is problematic. 

Today I texted her about a funny conversation I overheard, see HERE, and then our conversation kept getting better and better. Ready? 

Via texting.

(Anna's thought: I'm just sitting here, waiting for my next class, and across the hall I couldn't help but notice an obnoxious super flirt gal. Seriously. I could not help it. I would have much rather NOT noticed, and the poor kid was obviously just as anxious to get away. Then I thought, "Man. She has no clue.... do I even really have a clue?" I'll ask boss. She's all knowing.)

Anna text: So you will have to teach me the basics of flirting and approach because I realized I can't tell if a man is expressing interest or not. Sometimes I feel it is too obvious and I'm disturbed, other times I realize later that I was probably frustratingly unresponsive.

Lauren's reaction: AHHH yes. She is interested in someone in one of her classes! or something!  I will give her the BEST advice ever! 

Lauren text: Look over and make fast eye contact, then look away with a slight smile. Bat your eyelashes repeatedly in an "I know I'm hot" way.

Anna thought: hey. I've noticed her pulling that one before. impressive. I chose the right master.
Anna text: HAHAHAH I'm not currently in said situation, but I will take notes on your tact.

Lauren  reaction: She is hopeless. 

Lauren thoughts: Fine, if she isn't serious, I'm not either.
Lauren text: Oh, okay, for future. Also, cough up a fur ball. They are turned on by that.

Anna reaction: Snort. (literally. out loud.) fur ball? the cat card eh? I can flow with that.

Anna text: Oh yeah. I'm sure they love that. I suppose I should also probably occasionally slowly lick my hand as I stare them down?

Lauren text: Yes. Only after spreading peanut butter on it, though.

Anna text: Hahaha yes, imagine that. I'll just pull out one of those mini jars and spread it ALL OVER my hands, like lotion. Then slowly, seductively, lick it off. Finger by finger. As the strong smell of peanuts temps them.

Lauren text: And afterward, slowly crack, peel, and eat a hard boiled egg.

Anna text: I shouldn't be giggling in English class, bro.

Anna reaction: *giggle in English class.*

Moral of the story: 

Our text conversations are never what we intend them to be. 

gtg, ttyl, l8er,

Zip Code Roomies

Ka.

Anna: I don't have anything to say about Erika, who will now go by Ka. She is my REAL roommate (my sista). She will probably show up on here quite often. For better or for worse. She is still in high school, and she is a dancer dancie-pants. Not professional or anything. More like a hobby, but she's pretty good. I guess. Sometimes. Usually.

She joins us on little expeditions often, mostly because she doesn't have friends. FALSE, we don't have friends, she pities us elderly people. Mostly she teams up with Boss in finding my weaknesses and either making me laugh till I pee, or cry till I cringe. Sometimes both at the same time.
When she or I am bored, we will text each other stupid things. At times they are very funny yet stupid conversations, and the next day we will look back on them and wonder why we were so easily amused. Here is an example.

But first I will have to explain a little: We used to mock 'directioners' (One Direction fanatics), and send creepy pictures that we find of 1D to each other as a joke. Quite funny really, and then we also discovered 'imagines'. If you don't know what 1D imagines are, just go search it on pinterest. Basically fangirls right short stories of being married to, or meeting members of One Direction. Most are out right creepy. But, while we do mock directioners, we are mild fans of One Direction ourselves. As we searched for One Direction things to send each other we eventually came to know almost as much about them as real directioners. (even their girlfriend's names...ahhh creeps. I'm disturbed by our knowledge) Awkward. Karma for mocking directioners? But. At least I can say if we ever meet them we won't cry or faint, so maybe we aren't official directioners. Yet.
So, I had to go on a 1D rant, because they come up often in our conversations. It is just SO funny to pull a fangirl.

(commentary will be in italics)

A: I wan to hazza singing kiss me. -I was hustling and sent this text without properly looking it over. 
A: to hear
K: I want to hazza to singing kiss me? HAHAA what the heck?- hazza is a nickname for harry styles from one direction. See. we know these things. 
A: hahahaha "I want to hear Harry Styles singing Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran."
K: HAHAAA ok. Text him.
A: I already did. Private show next week.
K: Oh. Yeah. Ok. Am I invited.
A: Obviously NOT. Do you know what private means? It means private.
K: Like. Intermediate family. By invitation. NOT JUST YOU AND HIM.
A: You mean immediate? pfft. Learn your language girl. JUST ME AND HIM.
K: Autocorrect ok.. AAAAAH. YOU FREAK. Just write an imagine about it then.
A: But it won't be an imagine. It will be an IT HAPPENED. Yeah. That's right.
A: Crap. He says he wants me to pay. You can come if you pay.

.......And so on. That, my friends, is  a small taste of what we discuss on a regular basis. I will most likely post much hilarious-er ones in the future. My favorite is when we abuse hashtags, or overload on emoji's and GIF's.

Lauren: Ka is cool. She's my partner in crime. We felt the need to introduce her before she pops up on here and you freak out like: "WHAT THE HECK, WHO IS THIS ANNA LOOK ALIKE!?!"
Now you know! (Like Bill Nye, the science guy).

Signing out,
Zip Code Roomies

Hey Jealousy

Lauren:
I guess it is natural to have a visit from the green monster every so often, but since my zip code roomie is so cool, the green monster has become a close friend.

Anna has this ring, and it's a turtle...sigh.

I try not to be jealous, but I can't help it. 

She flaunts it in front of my face. 

You thought I was kidding. No, she really FLAUNTS it. 

 I just want to wear it on my finger and look at it all day and night and afternoon and morning, oh, and when it rains.
It would be nice to look at a turtle when it rains, don't you think? 

I had this idea to make Anna jealous of me....

It seemed a little crazy at first,
 but I think it turned out nicely. 

ROOMIE'S BEEN ONE UPPED, because I am so nice like that and I can't let people have the satisfaction of being superior to me. We must be equals. 

Lesson to be learned: It is not always fashionable to one-up your roomie. 

Anna: I am often greeeeen. Not with envy. But really, I am told all the time that my complexion looks a little green. Sad. Must I be cursed to always look sickly? But I am particularly tinted when I see bosses long long lashes. Like. What in the heck, I have Asian stubbsies and she has these looongggg lashes and flippin anime eyes.

But. I have a turtle ring. I should be satisfied with my end of the bargain.

Do you want to here how I got this ring?

you're probably uninterested by now, but I'll tell you anyway. I got it in Mexico. It was a pinky ring, but I came back to ootah and my fingers shrank, so it was too big. But then it fit perfectly for a mid-ring and walla. 

I have worn it like that e'er since. 

There you go. All done. I wear it proudly.

I don't even have a cool story or reminder behind having this ring. 

Maybe I am a ninja turtle. by night.

Zip Code Roomies,

Anna and Lauren 

84058

You are probably wondering why we are "Zip Code Roomies."

You may not know this, but "Roomies" is short for Roommate.

Yeah. You learn something new everyday.

Also a Zip Code is,

"A group of five or nine numbers that is added to a postal address to assist the sorting of mail." synonyms: post code

Well. We aren't sorting mail (but maybe someday we'll try a career at the post office, or maybe the dollar store, don't rule 'em out). Basically we live one block away, and see each other everyday. We do this not out of appreciation for each other but because we decided we are roomies. And roomies, well, they see each other everyday. We assume. 

Upside of Zip Code Roomies:

• We do not have to label our groceries. 

• We do not have to sleep over every night.

• We still get to do roomie stuffs, like movie nights, and cooking things.

• We don't get sick of each other, because we still have me-times, and away-times.

• We are not actually renting an apartment together, so no negative feelings about your beloved roomie not paying rent.

• We don't have to clean each other's messes...but sometimes we still do. 

• We don't have to deal with other girls our age. They can be nice, and not-so- nice. 50/50 chance, not good odds. 

• We can make a blog and the URL for "zip code roomies" isn't taken. 

Downside of Zip Code Roomies:

• We're not actually roommates..... is that a downside? nevermind. It's not.

• None.

So, there you have. The reasoning.

See you in the 84058,
Anna and Lauren 

& So it begins.

Hello. We just joined our brains together to create this blogosphere work of art. Try not to be too jealous, we know we're the hottest bloggers out there. (see above picture).

Right, well. We should probably tell you about how we came to be here. We'll do this in list order so as not to confuse you.

#1. We think we are hilarious. (even though people tell us we aren't.)
#2. We have mile-long text convos.
#3. We sometimes brainstorm blog names. Most are inappropriate.
#4. We need something to spice up our college lives.
#5. We think we are hilarious.

Understand?

Now we will introduce each other. I type this as Anna sings "Let me introduce you to my party people, in the club...hmm hmm"

She's busy singing, I'll introduce her first.

Anna is half Japanese. Let's just get that out there. Asian jokes are not funny and are overused on her, so please refrain. She'll just look at you like you are a pitiful person eating a bag of broccoli. Because that is pitiful.
Anna enjoys sushi, but that was not an Asian joke. She has enjoyed it since birth, unlike you hipsters that say you like sushi when all you eat is California rolls.
Anna is not frightened of boys, but she has high standards of men. She wants the USA Swim Team, those type of "standards" if ya catch me driftwood. (Anna edit: FALSE. beauty is in the heart, right?)
She likes anime...haha FALSE.
She cries over everything from One Direction pictures to puppies. (Anna edit: FALSE she does not cry about 1D but puppies and movies.... yes. Especially that poor dog rescue commercial, you know the one.)
 She has a fragile heart, so no hating comments please. She'll be in bed for days. She does like bed, though, because that is where she watches her Netflix TV shows...was that TMI? She watches them in her pjs....ok, TMI.

That's all you need to know about her for now.
She's still singing, you should know that.

Ah. My turn. Let me introduce you to Lauren.
I'm a little bit nervous, because she is the blogger aficionado and this is my blogging debut.
She is commonly known as Boss. For a few reasons, namely
A) she is bossy
B) she was the President of the Dance Company for our senior year. (where she was bossy too so we all called her boss)
C) She likes to be in charge (and she is bossy)
(Lauren edit: TRUE. BUT it is just because I like to get things done, my way. hahaha.)
jk. I feel that I am not really introducing you to her but more dissing on her? hmm. She'll forgive me.
(Lauren edit: no I won't.)
In her heart she is hispanic. She often goes into Spanish mode, she says it's practice for her Spanish class but really no. It is just in her blood. FALSE She yearns for some Latin spice in her life because she is all white.
I don't really know anything about her. I don't know why she thinks we're best friends.
but, I do know that she won't eat anything raw, don't try and feed it to her. We have a mutual interest in eating but we also have a mutual hate for cooking. First world probs man. She also likes sweat pants and the Vampire Diaries but she finished all the available seasons in like a WEEK, so she will have to find something else to do with her time.
AAAANNND. She's right handed.


Right well. This is Lauren again. The point of this blog is to post about our wild times (it get's better than asian jokes and netflix, promise). Also, as you can see, we'll keep each other honest. We're not "DIY Perfect Hair/MakeUp/Body people", and we won't give false illusions that we have perfect lives.

Because we do. and you wouldn't believe it anyways.

Love,
Lauren and Anna


NEXT POST: 20 lbs in 2 weeks, how to...gain.