Flirting advice, via text.

Lauren: Anna and I have a social media relationship when we are unable to see each other. 

She has relatives in from Japan this week, so I am left with no other option but to text, call, Facebook, blog, smoke signal, owl, and red-picnic cup with fishing line her. 

It really is problematic. 

Today I texted her about a funny conversation I overheard, see HERE, and then our conversation kept getting better and better. Ready? 

Via texting.

(Anna's thought: I'm just sitting here, waiting for my next class, and across the hall I couldn't help but notice an obnoxious super flirt gal. Seriously. I could not help it. I would have much rather NOT noticed, and the poor kid was obviously just as anxious to get away. Then I thought, "Man. She has no clue.... do I even really have a clue?" I'll ask boss. She's all knowing.)

Anna text: So you will have to teach me the basics of flirting and approach because I realized I can't tell if a man is expressing interest or not. Sometimes I feel it is too obvious and I'm disturbed, other times I realize later that I was probably frustratingly unresponsive.

Lauren's reaction: AHHH yes. She is interested in someone in one of her classes! or something!  I will give her the BEST advice ever! 

Lauren text: Look over and make fast eye contact, then look away with a slight smile. Bat your eyelashes repeatedly in an "I know I'm hot" way.

Anna thought: hey. I've noticed her pulling that one before. impressive. I chose the right master.
Anna text: HAHAHAH I'm not currently in said situation, but I will take notes on your tact.

Lauren  reaction: She is hopeless. 

Lauren thoughts: Fine, if she isn't serious, I'm not either.
Lauren text: Oh, okay, for future. Also, cough up a fur ball. They are turned on by that.

Anna reaction: Snort. (literally. out loud.) fur ball? the cat card eh? I can flow with that.

Anna text: Oh yeah. I'm sure they love that. I suppose I should also probably occasionally slowly lick my hand as I stare them down?

Lauren text: Yes. Only after spreading peanut butter on it, though.

Anna text: Hahaha yes, imagine that. I'll just pull out one of those mini jars and spread it ALL OVER my hands, like lotion. Then slowly, seductively, lick it off. Finger by finger. As the strong smell of peanuts temps them.

Lauren text: And afterward, slowly crack, peel, and eat a hard boiled egg.

Anna text: I shouldn't be giggling in English class, bro.

Anna reaction: *giggle in English class.*

Moral of the story: 

Our text conversations are never what we intend them to be. 

gtg, ttyl, l8er,

Zip Code Roomies

Ka.

Anna: I don't have anything to say about Erika, who will now go by Ka. She is my REAL roommate (my sista). She will probably show up on here quite often. For better or for worse. She is still in high school, and she is a dancer dancie-pants. Not professional or anything. More like a hobby, but she's pretty good. I guess. Sometimes. Usually.

She joins us on little expeditions often, mostly because she doesn't have friends. FALSE, we don't have friends, she pities us elderly people. Mostly she teams up with Boss in finding my weaknesses and either making me laugh till I pee, or cry till I cringe. Sometimes both at the same time.
When she or I am bored, we will text each other stupid things. At times they are very funny yet stupid conversations, and the next day we will look back on them and wonder why we were so easily amused. Here is an example.

But first I will have to explain a little: We used to mock 'directioners' (One Direction fanatics), and send creepy pictures that we find of 1D to each other as a joke. Quite funny really, and then we also discovered 'imagines'. If you don't know what 1D imagines are, just go search it on pinterest. Basically fangirls right short stories of being married to, or meeting members of One Direction. Most are out right creepy. But, while we do mock directioners, we are mild fans of One Direction ourselves. As we searched for One Direction things to send each other we eventually came to know almost as much about them as real directioners. (even their girlfriend's names...ahhh creeps. I'm disturbed by our knowledge) Awkward. Karma for mocking directioners? But. At least I can say if we ever meet them we won't cry or faint, so maybe we aren't official directioners. Yet.
So, I had to go on a 1D rant, because they come up often in our conversations. It is just SO funny to pull a fangirl.

(commentary will be in italics)

A: I wan to hazza singing kiss me. -I was hustling and sent this text without properly looking it over. 
A: to hear
K: I want to hazza to singing kiss me? HAHAA what the heck?- hazza is a nickname for harry styles from one direction. See. we know these things. 
A: hahahaha "I want to hear Harry Styles singing Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran."
K: HAHAAA ok. Text him.
A: I already did. Private show next week.
K: Oh. Yeah. Ok. Am I invited.
A: Obviously NOT. Do you know what private means? It means private.
K: Like. Intermediate family. By invitation. NOT JUST YOU AND HIM.
A: You mean immediate? pfft. Learn your language girl. JUST ME AND HIM.
K: Autocorrect ok.. AAAAAH. YOU FREAK. Just write an imagine about it then.
A: But it won't be an imagine. It will be an IT HAPPENED. Yeah. That's right.
A: Crap. He says he wants me to pay. You can come if you pay.

.......And so on. That, my friends, is  a small taste of what we discuss on a regular basis. I will most likely post much hilarious-er ones in the future. My favorite is when we abuse hashtags, or overload on emoji's and GIF's.

Lauren: Ka is cool. She's my partner in crime. We felt the need to introduce her before she pops up on here and you freak out like: "WHAT THE HECK, WHO IS THIS ANNA LOOK ALIKE!?!"
Now you know! (Like Bill Nye, the science guy).

Signing out,
Zip Code Roomies